When “EU Candidate” Becomes an Ironic Job Title
The European Parliament just delivered what can only be described as a diplomatic double-whammy this Wednesday, handing out report cards that would make any parent schedule an emergency teacher conference.
First up: Georgia, where the ruling Georgian Dream party has apparently been having nightmares about democracy instead. MEPs voted 436-145 to express their disappointment that Georgia has been speedrunning democratic backsliding while cosplaying as an EU candidate. The country is racking up political prisoners faster than baseball cards, including Sakharov Prize laureate Mzia Amaglobeli, which is decidedly not the kind of collection you want to brag about.
Lithuanian MEP Rasa Juknevičienė didn’t mince words, noting that silencing independent media and imprisoning opposition figures is “unacceptable for an EU candidate country.” You know, just in case anyone was confused about whether authoritarian crackdowns were deal-breakers. The Parliament is now eyeing EU-wide sanctions, because apparently strongly-worded letters weren’t getting the message across.
Meanwhile, Türkiye is busy missing what MEPs call a “window of opportunity” for EU enlargement—kind of like showing up to a job interview in your pajamas while insulting the interviewer’s mother. Despite repeatedly insisting they’re totally committed to EU membership, Turkish authorities continue violating the sovereign rights of actual EU members Greece and Cyprus, which is roughly equivalent to asking someone on a date while actively keying their car.
Spanish MEP Nacho Sanchez Amor expressed concern that Türkiye is “moving rapidly towards a fully authoritarian model,” recently targeting the main opposition party with what he described as a “weaponized judiciary.” His frustration with the EU’s tepid response was palpable, noting that the silence is alienating pro-democratic Turks who probably feel like they’re being ghosted by their potential future in-laws.
Both countries remain strategically important, which is diplomatic speak for “it’s complicated.”