EU Parliament’s Busiest Week: AI, Tariffs, and a Whole Lot of Talking
Buckle up, Europe! The European Parliament is gearing up for what might be the most action-packed week since someone accidentally scheduled three committee meetings in the same room.
Monday kicks off with the riveting “resumption of session and order of business” at 5 PM – because nothing says excitement like parliamentary procedure. The real star? A debate on simplifying AI rules, which ironically sounds complicated enough to need its own simplification. One can only hope the AI they’re regulating could help them schedule these meetings more efficiently.
Tuesday transforms into diplomatic speed-dating central. President Metsola will receive Egypt’s Foreign Minister at 10:15, a US Congressional delegation at 4:15, and somehow squeeze in presiding over the plenary session at 5 PM. Meanwhile, Montenegro’s President Jakov Milatović gets the VIP treatment with a formal address at noon – presumably after checking whether Montenegro is, in fact, a mountain.
The day’s voting marathon includes everything from US tariff adjustments (awkward) to vehicle recycling rules (your car’s retirement plan) and the delightfully named “European Globalisation Adjustment Fund for Displaced Workers” – because even bureaucracy needs a lengthy title.
Wednesday brings the main event: prep for the European Council meeting, followed by the 2025 Sakharov Prize ceremony for Andrzej Poczobut. Sandwiched between? Votes on tobacco taxes, timber trade with Liberia, and – wait for it – genetically modified plants. Because why tackle one controversial topic when you can juggle twelve?
Press conferences are scheduled with military precision, including one about “new genomic techniques” that sounds like either cutting-edge science or a very expensive spa treatment.
Thursday sees the voting bonanza continue with debates on Cuba’s political repression, organized crime recruiting children, and urban wastewater treatment – a combination that proves the EU can pivot from human rights to sewage with impressive agility.
Friday? President Metsola jets off to Munich for a “Townhall Discussion with students,” presumably to explain what exactly happened during the week. Meanwhile, a tax subcommittee heads to Paris, because someone has to check on the OECD, and it might as well involve French pastries.
The weekend? Gloriously empty. Even EU parliamentarians need a break from saving Europe, one lengthy debate title at a time.