Europe Hands Out Shiny New Medals, Bono Shows Up
The European Union just invented its own version of the Oscars, except instead of golden statues for pretending to be other people, they’re handing out medals for actually building Europe. On Tuesday, the European Parliament threw its first-ever European Order of Merit ceremony, and it was quite the guest list.
Thirteen of the twenty inaugural laureates showed up in Strasbourg to collect their hardware from European Parliament President Roberta Metsola and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen. The ceremony featured an all-star lineup including Angela Merkel (yes, that Angela Merkel), Lech Wałęsa (the guy who helped take down communism), and Moldova’s President Maia Sandu.
President Metsola kicked things off with a reminder that Europe wasn’t just handed out like participation trophies: “Europe was not handed to us. It was built treaty by treaty, crisis by crisis and by people who chose solidarity over division.” Translation: This stuff is hard work, people.
The honors went to an eclectic mix that reads like someone played EU bingo. Former prime ministers and presidents? Check. A Cardinal from the Vatican? Sure, why not. The former head of the European Central Bank? Obviously. But here’s where it gets interesting: they also inducted celebrity chef José Andrés (who feeds disaster victims), NBA champion Giannis Antetokounmpo (because nothing says European values like a Greek Freak), and the entire band U2 (Bono finally gets his EU medal to go with his collection of oversized sunglasses).
Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was also honored, because if anyone’s been putting in overtime for European values lately, it’s him.
The whole thing marks the EU’s 75th anniversary of the Schuman Declaration, proving that after three-quarters of a century, Europe still knows how to throw itself a party. Now if only they could make the ceremony as catchy as a U2 song.