EU Parliament’s Busy Wednesday: Deportations, TikTok Troubles, and Climate-Friendly Tomatoes
The European Parliament is having one of those days where they’re trying to solve everything at once – and we mean everything.
Kicking People Out Gets an Update
First up at 12:30, MEPs are voting on new rules for returning migrants who don’t have the right to stay in the EU. The highlights? Non-EU nationals will have new obligations to cooperate with authorities, potential detention for up to 24 months (or longer if things get complicated), and the controversial possibility of “return hubs” in non-EU countries. Because apparently, regular hubs weren’t enough – we needed return hubs too.
China: It’s Complicated
Starting at 9:00 AM, Parliament is tackling EU-China economic relations, which is diplomatic speak for “we need to talk about why this relationship feels so one-sided.” On the agenda: China’s tight grip on critical raw materials, their industrial policies that Europe finds a bit too distortive, and the general imbalance in who gets to sell what where. It’s like a relationship where one person keeps borrowing money but never picks up the dinner tab.
Protecting Kids from Doomscrolling
At 11:00, MEPs are discussing how to save children from social media’s mental health hazards. Proposed solutions include minimum age requirements and making platforms actually accountable for once. Revolutionary stuff, really.
Designer Plants Get the Green Light
New genomic techniques for creating climate-resistant, pest-fighting, high-yield plants that need fewer pesticides are up for a vote at 12:30. Finally, tomatoes that can handle both a heatwave and your judgment.
And Also…
There’s a Sakharov Prize laureate addressing Parliament at noon, seven countries getting their EU membership progress reports graded, debates on electrification, transport sector resilience, data protection, and urgent discussions on human rights violations in Nicaragua, Belarus, and Burkina Faso.
Just another casual Wednesday in Brussels, where they’re simultaneously redesigning agriculture, rethinking deportation, and trying to get teenagers off Instagram. No pressure.