News

EU Parliament Just Made Corruption a Lot Less Fun

In a move that’s probably making some people very nervous, the European Parliament just voted overwhelmingly (581-21, with 42 folks apparently still deciding) to adopt the EU’s first-ever unified anti-corruption rulebook. Think of it as finally agreeing on house rules after decades of everyone playing Monopoly differently.

What’s the Big Deal?

Starting now, bribery, misappropriation, illicit enrichment, and other creative ways of being corrupt will have standardized definitions across all EU countries. No more “but in my country, that’s just called networking!” excuses. The directive harmonizes penalties too, setting maximum punishment floors—though countries can still go harder if they’re feeling particularly righteous.

The Numbers Don’t Lie (Unlike Some Officials)

According to a 2025 Eurobarometer survey, 69% of Europeans think corruption is rampant in their country, and 66% believe the big fish never get caught. Corruption drains billions from economies annually and, as lead MEP Raquel García Hermida-van der Walle soberly noted, has cost journalists and citizens their lives. Behind the statistics are real people—a fact that makes this legislation considerably less boring than most EU directives.

What’s Actually Changing?

Countries must now develop national anti-corruption strategies (with actual civil society input—imagine that!), conduct risk assessments, and maintain independent anti-corruption bodies. They’ll also publish comparable, machine-readable data annually, because transparency is apparently the new black.

EU agencies like OLAF, Europol, and Eurojust will work together more closely, which should make cross-border corruption investigations less like herding cats and more like actual law enforcement.

Timeline

The Council still needs to rubber-stamp this, then countries have 24 months to implement most provisions (36 months for the strategy bits). So mark your calendars for 2028, when Europe officially becomes slightly less tolerant of shenanigans.

The message is clear: corruption’s European vacation just got a lot shorter.

EU Parliament’s Busy Thursday: AI Nudity Bans, Trade Deals, and the Usual Brussels Chaos

Brussels is buzzing this Thursday with enough legislative action to make your head spin faster than a politician dodging a tough question.

First up at 9 AM sharp: EU-US trade relations take center stage. MEPs are hashing out the July 2025 Turnberry Agreement, which promises to eliminate most tariffs on American goods. Think of it as a continental friendship bracelet, except this one comes with “safeguard clauses” in case Uncle Sam decides to ghost Europe. Vote’s at 11 AM, followed by a press conference at 1 PM where someone will inevitably use the phrase “mutually beneficial.”

But wait, there’s more! Parliament is also tackling artificial intelligence with a delightful twist. While they’re busy postponing some high-risk AI rules (because who doesn’t love a good deadline extension?), they’re simultaneously introducing a ban on AI systems that create sexually explicit images. Yes, “nudification systems” are officially on the naughty list. Someone finally asked, “Should we let computers do that?” and Parliament answered with a resounding “Absolutely not.”

On the immigration front, MEPs are voting on returns policy reforms that would allow detention of non-EU nationals for up to 24 months—or longer if you’re really unlucky. Three political groups have already objected, because nothing says “smooth legislative process” like immediate opposition.

Environmental warriors will cheer the new water pollution measures targeting PFAS (those pesky “forever chemicals”), microplastics, and antimicrobial resistance. Finally, someone’s paying attention to what’s actually in our water besides fish and regret.

Meanwhile, the EU’s Global Gateway initiative—their €300 billion answer to China’s Belt and Road—gets the side-eye treatment. MEPs are demanding transparency after reports of Chinese companies sneaking into EU-funded projects. Awkward.

In the speed round: child abuse detection online, bank failure protections, anti-corruption legislation, and immunity waivers for various MEPs who presumably did something interesting.

All votes kick off at 11 AM. Grab your popcorn and tune into Parliament’s webstream—democracy has never been this action-packed.

EU Leaders Gather to Discuss Everything (Again)

In what has become Europe’s favorite recurring meeting, MEPs spent Wednesday doing what they do best: assessing other people’s meetings. This time, they dissected the March 19 European Council summit with European Council President António Costa and Commissioner Valdis Dombrovskis, because apparently one meeting about a meeting just isn’t enough.

Costa kicked things off by championing multilateralism and international law—you know, the usual Tuesday stuff—while insisting the EU’s energy strategy is totally working, guys. Rising energy prices? That’s just proof we’re on the right track with decarbonization! It’s like saying your diet is working because you’re constantly hungry.

The big talking points were predictably dramatic: supporting Ukraine “as long as it takes” (which sounds romantic until you remember it’s about war), completing the single market (only been working on that for a few decades), and the mysterious “28th regime”—a magical system that would replace 27 different national laws so Europe can finally compete with “the giants.” Spoiler: the giants are probably not losing sleep.

Commissioner Dombrovskis chimed in about Ukraine aid, Middle East tensions, and the ever-popular topic of simplifying EU rules—a goal so ambitious it makes climbing Everest in flip-flops look reasonable.

MEPs then did their thing: some praised unity, others blasted Hungary for blocking Ukraine funds, and a few criticized the Emissions Trading System for being expensive (shocking, we know). There was also the standard debate about whether to speed up or slam the brakes on the green transition, because why agree on anything?

The takeaway? Europe remains committed to supporting everyone, everywhere, while somehow also lowering costs, simplifying everything, and becoming more competitive. Easy peasy.

European Parliament Gets Real About Terror, Tyranny, and Trade (While Shuffling the Schedule)

The European Parliament kicked off its March 25-26 plenary session in Brussels with President Roberta Metsola doing what politicians do best: addressing approximately seventeen serious topics before anyone had their second coffee.

First up? A moment of silence for terrorism victims. Because nothing says “we’re committed to combating extremism” quite like a well-timed pause. Metsola specifically remembered Quentin Deranque, a 23-year-old murdered in France, while carefully noting his family’s request that his death not become political football. (Spoiler: It probably will anyway.)

Then came the rapid-fire solidarity tour: Belarus got a shout-out for its “International Day of Solidarity” on March 25, with Parliament backing Belarusians fighting dictatorship. Iran’s regime received a proper scolding for oppressing its people and attacking Gulf State civilians. And former French PM Lionel Jospin, who recently passed away, got a respectful nod for his pro-Europe stance.

Metsola also condemned recent antisemitic attacks, reminding everyone that Jewish communities are “essential to European society” – a statement that really shouldn’t need repeating in 2026, but here we are.

The session marked the 10th anniversary of the 2016 Brussels terror attacks, where 32 people died. “Humanity prevails in the face of terror,” Metsola declared, leading MEPs in another moment of silence. At this rate, they’ll need to schedule dedicated silence time.

Schedule Chaos Ensues

Wednesday’s agenda got reshuffled faster than a deck of cards. Energy security jumped to first place, followed by European Council conclusions. An oral question about wastewater treatment (riveting stuff) got bumped from Thursday. Oh, and they squeezed in a debate about Iran’s death penalty threats because the schedule wasn’t packed enough.

The sitting will now run until 11 PM. Someone order pizza.

Thursday’s lineup includes a joint debate on the EU-US trade deal and several immunity waiver requests, because apparently some MEPs have been naughty.

Speaking of which, Poland wants Grzegorz Braun’s parliamentary immunity waived. The Legal Affairs Committee will handle that mess.

The Takeaway

The European Parliament is tackling everything from international terrorism to wastewater regulations, proving once again that democracy is messy, scheduling is optional, and moments of silence are becoming a regular agenda item. Democracy: it’s complicated, it runs late, and someone’s always requesting an immunity waiver.

EU and US Play Nice: Parliament Sets the Table for Tariff Takedown

In a development that suggests someone finally answered the phone across the Atlantic, the European Parliament is gearing up to vote on making American products slightly less expensive to import. Yes, you read that right—tariffs might actually go down.

The International Trade Committee is holding a press conference Thursday to discuss the nitty-gritty details of what they’re calling the “Turnberry agreement” (because apparently every deal needs a golf course name these days). If everything goes according to plan and EU member states don’t throw a wrench in the works, most tariffs on US industrial goods will vanish faster than free samples at Costco.

But wait, there’s more! American seafood and agricultural products are also getting the VIP treatment with preferential market access. So expect your imported Maine lobster to become marginally more affordable—though probably not enough to notice after your grocery store takes its cut.

The whole thing stems from commitments made back in summer 2025, when the EU and US apparently decided to stop bickering like an old married couple and actually cooperate for once. Committee chair Bernd Lange will be explaining how this all works at a press conference that journalists can attend either in person or remotely, because even international trade negotiations have gone hybrid.

The real question: Will this actually make your shopping cart cheaper, or will it just mean more paperwork has been successfully shuffled? Stay tuned.

Lille Wins the EU Customs Authority Lottery (Sorry, Other Cities)

In what can only be described as Europe’s most bureaucratic beauty pageant, Lille, France has officially been crowned the future home of the EU Customs Authority. Cue the champagne and croissants!

On Wednesday, the European Parliament and Council finally put an end to the suspense by jointly selecting the French city as headquarters for the shiny new EU Customs Authority (EUCA). Think of it as the Eurovision of administrative decisions, but with less glitter and more paperwork.

Why Lille? Well, They Really Wanted It

During the January 28 hearing that probably had all the drama of a reality TV finale, Lille came prepared. The city flexed its strategic location at Europe’s crossroads, boasted about its experience handling massive flows of goods, and—here’s the kicker—offered to cover the authority’s upkeep costs. Nothing says “pick me” quite like offering to pay the bills.

And the stats don’t lie: one in three parcels entering the EU passes through French territory. That’s a lot of packages, folks.

A Historic Moment (No, Really)

Parliament rapporteur Dirk Gotink couldn’t contain his enthusiasm, declaring this “a milestone for the European Customs Union.” He emphasized that France isn’t just a leading customs nation—it’s the natural hub for this authority. Translation: Lille was basically the obvious choice all along, but we still had to make it look like a fair competition.

Breaking New Ground

This marks only the second time the Parliament and Council have jointly decided on an EU agency’s location since a court ruling said they had to play nice and decide together. The first was the Anti-Money Laundering Authority back in February 2024. Democracy in action, people!

The EUCA will be established as part of a massive EU customs code overhaul, because apparently, the old customs code needed a glow-up. The authority’s location will be officially mentioned in the final agreement, making Lille’s victory permanent—no take-backsies.

So congratulations, Lille! You’re about to become the epicenter of European customs bureaucracy. May your coffee be strong and your customs forms always properly filled out.

EU Parliament Gears Up for Another Riveting Week of Democracy (Yes, Really)

The European Parliament is rolling out the red carpet—or at least the beige bureaucratic one—for its March 25-26 plenary session, and they’re so excited about it they’re holding a press briefing at 2:30 PM today. Because nothing says “breaking news” like a pre-game show for parliamentary proceedings.

This week’s legislative jamboree promises to be a real page-turner. On the menu: a debate about the March 19 summit (because apparently one summit wasn’t enough), discussions on keeping Europe’s lights on without bankrupting everyone, and the ever-thrilling topic of energy affordability. Riveting stuff.

But wait, there’s more! MEPs will vote on implementing the “Turnberry deal”—which sounds like a golf tournament but is actually about EU-US trade. They’ll also tackle what to do with non-EU nationals staying illegally (spoiler: they want them to leave), simplify AI rules (because the first draft was presumably written by an AI having an existential crisis), and figure out what happens when banks go belly-up.

Oh, and they’re cleaning up Europe’s water too. Because between trade wars, AI regulation, and banking crises, someone remembered that clean drinking water is probably important.

For journalists brave enough to attend, the briefing will be available in the Anna Politkovskaya press room or via livestream—complete with interpretation in English and French. They’re using something called “Interactio,” which requires specific browsers and devices, because apparently Zoom was too mainstream. First-timers are advised to log in 30 minutes early for a “connection test,” which is EU-speak for “please don’t embarrass yourself on live stream.”

Democracy: it’s complicated, it’s multilingual, and it requires tech support.

Europe’s Busiest Wednesday: When Everything Happens at Once

The European Parliament is having one of those days where you need three espressos just to read the agenda. Buckle up, because Wednesday, March 25th is packed tighter than a Brussels metro at rush hour.

The Main Event: European Council Post-Mortem

At 3:15 PM, MEPs will dissect the March 19th European Council meeting like it’s a particularly complicated IKEA instruction manual. European Council President António Costa and Commissioner Valdis Dombrovskis will explain what happened when leaders gathered to discuss minor issues like, oh, military escalation in the Middle East, Ukraine, and whether Europe can still afford its morning croissants.

The summit covered everything from security and defense to migration—basically every topic that makes dinner parties awkward.

Energy Drama: Because 2026 Needs More Excitement

Around 4:45 PM, Parliament will tackle everyone’s favorite subject: energy security. Thanks to recent bombings and attacks affecting the Strait of Hormuz (where a significant chunk of the world’s oil passes through), fuel prices are doing their best impression of a rocket launch.

MEPs will debate how Europe’s energy transition can save the day while keeping the lights on and bills manageable. No pressure.

Your Money is (Hopefully) Safe

At 6:30 PM, three legislative files on deposit protection hit the floor. The goal? Stop taxpayers from footing the bill when banks go belly-up. The new rules will protect retail customers, small businesses, and public authorities from losses—because apparently, we learned something from previous financial crises.

Commissioner Maria Luís Albuquerque will join the discussion, and Parliament plans to vote on the agreement tomorrow. Democracy moves fast when money’s involved.

The Supporting Cast

Between all this, MEPs will also debate banning LGBTQ+ conversion practices (5:30 PM) and new anti-corruption laws (8:00 PM). Because why have one important debate when you can have five?

There’s also a press briefing at 2:30 PM for journalists who enjoy asking questions while everyone else is still digesting lunch.

How to Watch

For those brave enough to follow along, everything’s streaming live on Parliament’s website and EbS+. Grab your popcorn—or perhaps something stronger—and settle in for what promises to be a marathon session of European democracy in action.

Just another ordinary Wednesday in Brussels, where the coffee is strong and the agenda is stronger.

EU Parliament’s Busy Week: AliExpress Gets Grilled, Menopause Gets Attention, and Someone Finally Talks About No-Go Zones

Brussels is about to have one of those weeks where everyone pretends to read 500-page reports while secretly wondering what’s for lunch. The European Parliament’s agenda for March 23-27, 2026, is packed tighter than a budget airline overhead bin.

Monday kicks off with the riveting question: Is AliExpress basically a digital flea market for dangerous knockoffs? The Committee on Internal Market and Consumer Protection will spend two hours debating whether the Chinese shopping giant is systematically flooding Europe with unsafe and counterfeit goods. Spoiler alert: They’re probably not gathering to give AliExpress a participation trophy.

Tuesday transforms into meeting marathon madness. President Metsola has back-to-back appointments scheduled with the precision of a Swiss railway timetable—UN High Commissioner for Refugees at 12:45, Gulf Cooperation Council ambassadors at 13:15, and the Grand Duke of Luxembourg at 14:30. One can only hope someone’s keeping the coffee flowing.

Meanwhile, committees are tackling everything from genetically modified organisms (because regular organisms are so last century) to the “gender care gap.” There’s even a joint hearing on menopause care in the EU, proving that European bureaucracy has finally discovered that half the population goes through menopause. Revolutionary stuff.

The ECR group is hosting a press conference about “the rise of no-go zones in Europe,” which sounds like either a serious policy discussion or the world’s most depressing travel guide.

Wednesday and Thursday bring the main event: plenary sessions featuring debates on energy security, corruption, and deposit protection. Nothing says “edge-of-your-seat excitement” quite like banking regulations, though the anti-corruption directive vote might generate some actual drama.

By Friday, President Metsola escapes to Stockholm, presumably for some Swedish fresh air and meetings with people who aren’t debating wastewater treatment directives. Smart move.

The weekend? Gloriously empty. Even EU parliamentarians need time to recover from discussing ceramic industry policy and digital euro projects.

EU Parliament Plays Hardball with America’s Trade Deal

In a move that screams “we’re saying yes, but actually maybe,” European Parliament members just approved lowering tariffs on US goods—with more strings attached than a puppet show.

The International Trade Committee voted 29-9 Thursday to back the so-called Turnberry Deal, which would eliminate most tariffs on American agricultural and industrial products. But here’s the twist: they’ve essentially wrapped the whole thing in bubble wrap and labeled it “handle with extreme care.”

Think of it as the world’s most conditional “yes.” It’s like agreeing to go on a date, but only if the other person promises to show up, be nice, respect your boundaries, and not suddenly decide to charge you extra for wearing the wrong shoes.

The Fine Print (It’s a Doozy)

MEPs installed what they’re calling a “sunrise clause”—which sounds romantic but is actually bureaucratic judo. The tariff cuts won’t actually kick in until the US proves it’s playing nice. Translation: “We’ll pass this law, but it won’t do anything until you behave.”

There’s also a “suspension clause” that’s basically the nuclear option. If the US slaps tariffs on EU countries for their foreign policy choices (looking at you, Greenland drama), Parliament will immediately hit pause on everything. As rapporteur Bernd Lange put it: “Tariff threats against one of us are a threat against all of us.” Cue the Three Musketeers music.

Steel Yourself

The deal also includes special protections for steel imports and demands that US tariffs on EU products containing steel drop from 50% to 15%. Because apparently, even in international trade, everyone’s got trust issues.

Why the Cold Feet?

Parliament was ready to vote back in January, but then the US started making noises about Greenland, and the whole thing got postponed. Twice. Nothing says “stable trade partnership” like repeatedly delaying votes because your partner keeps threatening to annex Danish territory.

The full Parliament votes March 26, assuming nobody threatens to buy Iceland in the meantime.