News

EU Gets Tough on Returns: New Rules Mean Business (and Possibly a Long Stay in Detention)

The European Parliament’s Civil Liberties Committee just gave the thumbs up to a major overhaul of how the EU handles returns of people staying illegally in member states. And let’s just say, cooperation is no longer optional—it’s mandatory.

Passed on Monday with 41 votes in favor and 32 against, the new rules require anyone slapped with a return decision to actively help authorities get them back home. Think of it as a “you can’t fire me, I quit” situation, except in reverse and with significantly less agency.

Here’s where it gets spicy: refuse to cooperate or look like you might do a runner, and you could find yourself detained for up to—wait for it—24 months. That’s two full years of contemplating your life choices in what we can only assume is not a five-star establishment. Even families with children and unaccompanied minors aren’t exempt, though officials promise it’ll be a “last resort.” (We’ve all heard that before.)

The new system introduces a “European return order” that’ll be shared across the Schengen area via the Schengen Information System—basically a continental “do not pass go, do not collect €200” card. By July 2027, all EU countries will have to recognize and enforce each other’s return decisions, creating what amounts to a no-escape zone for those deemed to be staying illegally.

But wait, there’s more! The EU can now strike deals with non-EU countries to accept returnees, even if they’re not from those countries. It’s like being returned to a store you never shopped at. The only silver lining? Unaccompanied minors can’t be shipped off under these agreements.

And if you thought leaving was hard, coming back is even harder. Anyone who doesn’t comply gets slapped with an EU-wide entry ban. For regular folks, the duration varies. For those deemed a “security risk,” it’s permanent. No appeals, no second chances, no “but I left my favorite sweater in Munich.”

MEPs did delete one particularly Orwellian provision that would have required governments to actively hunt for undocumented people, so there’s that. They also insist on independent monitoring to ensure fundamental rights are respected during removals—because apparently, that needs to be explicitly stated.

Rapporteur Malik Azmani from the Netherlands called the outcome “efficient and workable,” which is politician-speak for “we compromised until everyone was equally unhappy.”

The proposal now heads to the full Parliament for approval before entering negotiations with the EU Council. So if you’re planning an extended European vacation without proper paperwork, maybe reconsider. The welcome mat has officially been pulled.

European Parliament Opens March Session: Drama, Declarations, and One MEP Musical Chairs

Strasbourg – The European Parliament kicked off its March 9-12 plenary session with President Roberta Metsola delivering what can only be described as the geopolitical equivalent of a “we need to talk” speech.

Iran Gets the Memo (Again)

Metsola didn’t mince words about Iran’s 47-year streak of “brutal repression” – because apparently, some records are nothing to celebrate. She condemned Iran’s recent “indiscriminate and desperate attacks” on Gulf States, promising the EU would keep championing Iranian citizens’ right to “live in liberty and choose their own destiny.” You know, the basics.

Cyprus also got a solidarity shout-out, with Metsola reassuring them that “European solidarity is real, tangible and by your side” – which is diplomatic speak for “we’ve got your back.”

Political Violence: Parliament Says “Cut It Out”

In a moment of refreshing clarity, the President addressed the elephant in the room: rising political violence fueled by everyone’s favorite rage machine, social media. Her message? Settle your differences with words, not fists. Revolutionary concept, really.

Belgium’s Terrible Tuesday

The session opened on a somber note following an antisemitic attack on a synagogue in Liège, Belgium. Metsola’s response was unequivocal: “Jewish life belongs in Europe. And Europe will always defend it.” No room for interpretation there.

The Administrative Shuffle

In less dramatic news, the Parliament engaged in its favorite bureaucratic ballet: Tom BERENDSEN (Netherlands) exited stage left on March 3, while Willemien KONING entered stage right the same day. Democracy: it’s like a relay race, but with more paperwork.

Slovenia also requested to waive the immunity of MEP Matej TONIN, because apparently someone’s been naughty.

Coming Attractions

Tuesday’s agenda includes a thrilling fast-track vote on emission credits for heavy-duty vehicles. Try to contain your excitement.

The session runs through March 12, giving MEPs plenty of time to debate, declare, and occasionally disagree – civilly, of course.

The Curious Case of the Invisible Content

Well, this is awkward. We’ve got a classic case of the digital equivalent of showing up to a party only to find an empty room with a note that says “Content was here.”

It appears our web scraper had one job—scrape some content—and instead delivered us the internet’s version of a shrug emoji. No text, no images, no hot takes, no conspiracy theories, not even a cat meme. Just pure, unadulterated nothingness.

This is either the most zen website ever created (minimalism taken to its philosophical extreme) or someone forgot to hit “publish” before wandering off for a coffee break that apparently never ended.

The good news? You’ve just experienced the fastest page load time in internet history. The bad news? There’s literally nothing here to read, share, or argue about in the comments section.

So here we are, staring into the void, and the void is staring back, probably just as confused as we are. It’s like opening a fortune cookie and finding it empty—technically still a cookie, but deeply unsatisfying.

If this were a movie, this would be the part where we discover the real content was the friends we made along the way. But it’s not a movie. It’s just an empty webpage, and we’re all wondering why we’re still here.

Better luck next time, internet. Better luck next time.

EU Parliament’s Monday Madness: Gender Gaps, Returns, and Really Important Agreements

The European Parliament kicked off its week with the bureaucratic equivalent of a variety show, tackling everything from gender pay gaps to migration returns—because why focus on one crisis when you can juggle several?

Women’s Work Gets the Spotlight (Finally)

Timing their debate perfectly around International Women’s Day, MEPs are rolling up their sleeves to discuss the EU’s gender pay and pension gaps at 8 PM. The draft includes guidelines for “better evaluation and fairer remuneration” of female-dominated sectors—which is diplomatic speak for “maybe we should pay women properly?” Commissioner Michael Mc Grath will join the fun, and Parliament plans to vote Wednesday, presumably after everyone’s had their coffee.

Commission Gets a Performance Review

In what sounds like the world’s most formal couples therapy session, Parliament is scrutinizing its “framework agreement” with the European Commission at 5:30 PM. The existing agreement dates back to 2010—ancient history in EU terms—and needs updating. Commissioner Maroš Šefčovič will be present, possibly sweating slightly.

Migration Returns Get Committee Treatment

At 7 PM, the Civil Liberties Committee will vote on updating the Return Regulation, which governs how the EU handles third-country nationals staying illegally. It’s exactly as thrilling as it sounds, but someone’s got to do it.

And There’s More!

Because apparently Monday wasn’t packed enough, MEPs will also discuss the European research area (7 PM) and insolvency law harmonization (9 PM). The latter gets its final vote Tuesday—democracy doesn’t sleep, people.

A press briefing at 4:30 PM will explain it all, for those brave enough to tune in.

EU Takes on Housing Crisis: MEPs Ready to Drop Some Wisdom (and Recommendations)

The European Parliament is gearing up for what promises to be a riveting press conference on Tuesday, where two MEPs will explain how they plan to fix Europe’s housing mess. Because nothing says “affordable housing” quite like a press conference in Strasbourg with interpretation in six languages.

The Dynamic Duo

Rapporteur Borja Giménez Larraz and Housing Committee Chair Irene Tinagli will face the media at 5:30 PM CET to discuss Parliament’s freshly-voted recommendations. The venue? The Daphne Caruana Galizia press conference room—a name that takes longer to say than some people’s entire commute to their unaffordable apartments.

What’s the Big Plan?

Back in December 2024, Parliament decided Europe’s housing crisis was serious enough to warrant a Special Committee. Their mission? Mapping housing needs, analyzing policies, and contributing to an “affordable housing plan”—because apparently, the current plan of “hope for the best” wasn’t cutting it.

The committee’s recommendations, adopted in February, include boosting investment (translation: throw money at it), reducing red tape (because nothing slows down construction like paperwork), and tackling labor shortages in the construction sector. Revolutionary stuff, really.

How to Watch

For those who can’t make it to Strasbourg (understandable, given housing prices there too), the presser will stream online via Interactio and Parliament’s webstreaming service. Just make sure you’re using the right browser on the right device—because even watching a press conference about housing requires navigating bureaucratic requirements.

Pro tip: Connect 30 minutes early if you’ve never used Interactio before. Nothing says “we’ve got this housing crisis under control” like needing IT support to watch a video call.

The plenary vote happens Tuesday, so by the time you read this, Europe’s housing problems might be… well, exactly the same, but with more official recommendations about them.

European Parliament’s March Marathon: Democracy, Housing, and Nitrous Oxide Walk Into a Bar…

The European Parliament is gearing up for what can only be described as a legislative sprint disguised as a weekly agenda this March 9-13, 2026. Spoiler alert: weekends remain blessedly event-free, because even MEPs need a breather.

Monday kicks off with President Metsola doing what politicians do best—addressing conferences and presiding over sessions. The evening plenary tackles everything from EU regulatory fitness (yes, that’s a thing) to the gender pay gap. Because nothing says Monday motivation quite like insolvency law harmonization at 5 PM.

Tuesday brings the big guns: a housing crisis debate at 9 AM sharp. Apparently, someone finally noticed that Europeans would like affordable places to live. Revolutionary stuff. The day also features International Women’s Day celebrations and a flurry of votes on everything from insolvency to copyright in the age of AI. Political groups will hold their morning briefings, presumably fueled by industrial quantities of coffee.

Wednesday gets dramatic with debates on the Middle East situation, followed by Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan dropping by for a formal address. The afternoon devolves into discussions about child sexual abuse online, clean energy, and—wait for it—the “rise of political violence, notably by far-left organisations.” Someone’s been busy with the agenda-setting.

Thursday tackles the European Ombudsman’s annual report (riveting!), obesity prevention, and rail safety. But the real highlight? A vote on banning nitrous oxide sales to the general public. Finally, someone’s addressing the laughing gas in the room.

Friday winds down with President Metsola welcoming trainees, because the future of European bureaucracy needs proper onboarding.

Throughout the week, there are zero public hearings, special events, or official visits scheduled. Just pure, unadulterated parliamentary procedure. Democracy in action, folks—it’s not always glamorous, but someone’s got to harmonize those insolvency laws.

EU Parliament Takes on AI’s Copyright Conundrum (Spoiler: The Robots Aren’t Getting Free Lunch)

The European Parliament is rolling up its sleeves to tackle what might be the digital age’s most awkward dinner party conversation: Can AI companies just hoover up everyone’s creative work without asking—or paying?

On March 10th, rapporteur Axel Voss will face the press to explain Parliament’s bold stance on protecting copyright in the age of artificial intelligence. Translation: Someone’s finally saying “not so fast” to AI companies treating the internet like an all-you-can-eat buffet of copyrighted content.

Here’s the deal: MEPs want AI providers to actually acknowledge when they’re using protected content to train their shiny new chatbots and image generators. Wild concept, right? Even wilder—they want creators to get paid for it. Revolutionary stuff.

The proposals being voted on include giving content creators the power to opt out of having their work used for AI training. It’s basically the “Do Not Call” list, but for your novel, artwork, or that viral blog post you wrote in 2019.

The kicker? If AI companies are training their models on content created in the EU, they’ll need to play by EU rules. The report also tackles concerns about the press sector and what generative AI means for media pluralism—because apparently, we need to worry about AI threatening journalism too. (As if journalism didn’t have enough problems.)

The press conference will feature interpretation in six languages, because nothing says “serious business” like multilingual bureaucracy. Journalists can attend in person or join remotely via Interactio, though they’re warned to connect 30 minutes early if they’ve never used it before. Technology protecting us from technology—the irony is not lost.

Bottom line: The EU is drawing a line in the digital sand. AI companies can’t just train their models on copyrighted work without permission and compensation. It’s common sense wrapped in legislative language, served with a side of “what took so long?”

EU Strikes Deal to Give Farmers a Fighting Chance (And Your Steak Back Its Name)

In a move that’ll make farmers breathe a little easier—and lab-grown meat producers sweat a little harder—the European Parliament and Council have hammered out a deal to beef up farmers’ bargaining power in the food supply chain.

Show Me the Money

The agreement tackles the age-old problem of farmers getting squeezed harder than a lemon at a cocktail bar. New rules will require EU member states to publish online price indicators that actually reflect what it costs to grow your food. Revolutionary concept, right? The goal is to ensure farmers aren’t left holding the bag while everyone else in the supply chain fills theirs.

Producer organizations will get more muscle too, with the power to negotiate directly with buyers. And here’s the kicker: buyers can’t just skip around them to cherry-pick individual farmers anymore. It’s like finally getting a bouncer for the farm gate.

The Great Meat Name Wars

But wait, there’s more! In what can only be described as a linguistic land grab, the deal officially defines meat as “edible parts of animals.” That means your lab-grown “steak” will need a new name, buddy. Terms like “steak” and “liver” are now reserved exclusively for products that once had a pulse.

The dairy sector gets mandatory written contracts, because apparently “trust me, bro” wasn’t cutting it as a business model.

Truth in Advertising

The agreement also cracks down on marketing mumbo-jumbo. Want to slap “fair” or “equitable” on your label? You’ll need to prove it. “Short supply chain” can only be used for EU products with minimal middlemen—not something that’s taken a world tour before landing on your plate.

The deal now needs final approval from both Parliament and Council, but if it passes, farmers might finally get a seat at the table instead of just providing what’s on it.

EU Parliament Gears Up for Action-Packed Week (Spoiler: It’s Not Just Coffee Breaks)

The European Parliament is rolling up its sleeves for what promises to be a marathon session from March 9-12, and they’re holding a press briefing Friday at 11:00 to prep everyone for the chaos—er, important legislative work—ahead.

First up on the agenda: MEPs will tackle the US-Israel military operation against Iran, because nothing says “Monday morning” quite like international military conflicts. They’ll also preview the March 19-20 EU summit, presumably to coordinate who’s bringing the snacks.

But wait, there’s more! Europe’s housing crisis gets its moment in the spotlight with debates and votes on recommendations that might actually help people afford a place to live. Revolutionary stuff.

Defense nerds will appreciate discussions on creating an EU single market for defense (because apparently buying tanks shouldn’t be complicated by borders), while energy policy gets a refresh focused on being clean, independent, and secure—basically the opposite of your college roommate.

Travelers rejoice: the Package Travel Directive is getting an update to better protect you when your budget airline inevitably cancels your flight. Meanwhile, child safety online takes center stage with votes on detecting abuse material, and AI copyright protections will be decided because someone needs to figure out who owns that robot-generated art.

International Women’s Day gets marked, Armenia’s Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan drops by for a formal sitting, and the first European Order of Merit laureates will be announced—essentially the EU’s version of “Employee of the Month,” but fancier.

Journalists can tune in via webstreaming or the fancy Interactio platform, though they’re warned to connect 30 minutes early if they’ve never used it before. Because nothing says “cutting-edge democracy” like technical difficulties.

Europe’s Lawmakers Take on Digital Trolls and Stereotypes for International Women’s Day

The European Parliament is rolling up its sleeves this Thursday for what might be the most 2026 conversation ever: women’s rights versus the internet. Spoiler alert—the internet isn’t winning any popularity contests.

To celebrate International Women’s Day, national and European parliamentarians are gathering in Brussels (and via livestream, because it’s 2026 and pants are optional) to tackle the unholy trinity of online nastiness: stereotypes, disinformation, and gender-based violence. Think of it as a parliamentary intervention for the digital age.

The Committee on Women’s Rights and Gender Equality, led by Spain’s Lina Gálvez, is hosting this interparliamentary meeting with a title so long it needs its own coffee break: “Women’s rights and democracy: combating stereotypes, disinformation and violence in the digital age.” Catchy!

European Parliament President Roberta Metsola will kick things off with a video message—presumably from a location with better lighting than the average Zoom call. The lineup includes journalists who’ve survived the comment section, human rights experts, and even Microsoft’s Digital Safety Manager, who probably has the most stressful inbox in Brussels.

Among the star speakers: Polish journalist Natalia Waloch, Georgian human rights expert Ana Natsvlishvili, and Dr. Silvia Semenzin, who studies digital safety (someone has to). They’ll be joined by Julie Guichard from Microsoft and Carlien Scheele from the European Institute for Gender Equality, proving that fighting online harassment takes a village—or at least a really well-organized committee.

For journalists brave enough to dive deeper, there’s an afternoon seminar specifically about digital violence against women. Because apparently, one session about internet awfulness wasn’t enough for a Thursday.

The timing is perfect: the European Commission is dropping a new EU gender equality strategy this week, following Parliament’s November resolution that essentially said, “Here’s our homework. We did it early.”

So while the rest of us are posting flower emojis and inspirational quotes for International Women’s Day, these folks are actually trying to make the digital world less of a dumpster fire. Someone’s got to do it—might as well be people with official titles and access to decent coffee.

The event runs from 9:00 to 12:30 CET, which is just enough time to address centuries of inequality before lunch. No pressure.