Brussels Gets Busy: Parliament Tackles Consent, Crypto Bros, and Cash Protection
The European Parliament is gearing up for another action-packed week, and if you thought your Monday was hectic, try juggling rape legislation, TikTok financial gurus, and ocean diplomacy all before dinner.
Consent Isn’t Complicated (But Apparently It Needs Legislation)
Starting at 6 PM, MEPs will debate establishing a common EU-wide definition of rape based on freely given consent. Because apparently, in 2026, we still need to spell this out. The Civil Liberties and Women’s Rights Committees have prepared a report that’ll be voted on Tuesday, followed by a press conference where someone will inevitably have to explain why this wasn’t already a thing.
Finfluencers: When Your Financial Advisor Has 2 Million Followers and Zero Credentials
Around 8:30 PM, Parliament will tackle the wild world of “finfluencers” – those charming social media personalities teaching Gen Z about cryptocurrency between dance videos. With scams, hidden ads, and questionable investment advice running rampant, MEPs want minimum standards for financial education. Shocking concept: maybe teenagers shouldn’t get their retirement planning tips from someone whose main qualification is going viral.
The Money Stuff (Less Exciting, Still Important)
The day also includes discussions on protecting EU financial interests (because someone has to watch the piggy bank), the European Investment Bank’s annual report, and ocean diplomacy’s role in fishing competitiveness. Yes, ocean diplomacy is a real thing, and yes, it’s scheduled for 9 PM because nothing says “important maritime policy” like debating it when you’d rather be watching Netflix.
The press briefing kicks off at 4:30 PM for journalists brave enough to attend, with live streaming available for those who prefer their bureaucracy from the comfort of their pajamas.