EU Parliament’s Busy Thursday: AI Nudity Bans, Trade Deals, and the Usual Brussels Chaos
Brussels is buzzing this Thursday with enough legislative action to make your head spin faster than a politician dodging a tough question.
First up at 9 AM sharp: EU-US trade relations take center stage. MEPs are hashing out the July 2025 Turnberry Agreement, which promises to eliminate most tariffs on American goods. Think of it as a continental friendship bracelet, except this one comes with “safeguard clauses” in case Uncle Sam decides to ghost Europe. Vote’s at 11 AM, followed by a press conference at 1 PM where someone will inevitably use the phrase “mutually beneficial.”
But wait, there’s more! Parliament is also tackling artificial intelligence with a delightful twist. While they’re busy postponing some high-risk AI rules (because who doesn’t love a good deadline extension?), they’re simultaneously introducing a ban on AI systems that create sexually explicit images. Yes, “nudification systems” are officially on the naughty list. Someone finally asked, “Should we let computers do that?” and Parliament answered with a resounding “Absolutely not.”
On the immigration front, MEPs are voting on returns policy reforms that would allow detention of non-EU nationals for up to 24 months—or longer if you’re really unlucky. Three political groups have already objected, because nothing says “smooth legislative process” like immediate opposition.
Environmental warriors will cheer the new water pollution measures targeting PFAS (those pesky “forever chemicals”), microplastics, and antimicrobial resistance. Finally, someone’s paying attention to what’s actually in our water besides fish and regret.
Meanwhile, the EU’s Global Gateway initiative—their €300 billion answer to China’s Belt and Road—gets the side-eye treatment. MEPs are demanding transparency after reports of Chinese companies sneaking into EU-funded projects. Awkward.
In the speed round: child abuse detection online, bank failure protections, anti-corruption legislation, and immunity waivers for various MEPs who presumably did something interesting.
All votes kick off at 11 AM. Grab your popcorn and tune into Parliament’s webstream—democracy has never been this action-packed.